Salty Cracker Club

I wanted a comfy, homey, snuggly vibe, with no sign of pretentiousness and giant portions. Check. Sloppy Sam’s is all those things, delivered with a mediterranean flair and plenty of lamb. Lamb, lamb, wonderful lamb, rolled with garlic on kebab sticks (Jess and Stv), slowly braised into melting goodness (EL), its ribs crisped with garlic and lemon (next time, next time) or in an iraqui abgusht stew with dried limes (yet another visit needed).  Defiantly, I had calamari, which were lemony-sour, garlicky and awesome.

Food is simple, large and tasty, with beautiful flavours and the minimum of fuss. For starters, it was various culturally-appropriate things, which were very good: tsatsiki (nice but not outstanding), pickled calamari (not nearly as rubbery as all that but still kind of rubbery), deep fried crispy sardines (I have a deep fried fondness for deep fried sardines, they are wonderful), and a tomato, red onion and anchovy salad that was tasty but a little too simple for the price.

Service was friendly, casual but attentive, very good.

The venue is lovely and belies the name – nothing sloppy about this creatively decorated space. Lots of food paraphernalia (tins, bottles, vegetables, things) strung out all over the place, backed by warm paint tones and an open kitchen. Only complaint: we were seated in the window and the curtain of fairy lights made it hot hot hot. Bonus on window seating: the building across the road has really awesome coloured lights which we spent most of the night figuring out.

Overall: great place, great experience. Yay! Also, chalk up 1 to me for restraint, of alcoholic* kind, and actually driving to salty cracker for a change. Jo: 1, Stv: 37. She edges in. She’s getting there.

Atmosphere: 8 / 10 (target: mediterranean relaxation. Mission: accomplished.)
Staff: 8 / 10 (friendly, relaxed, attentive)
Service: 8 / 10 (see: atmosphere)
Food: 7 / 10 (simple but hits the spot)
Value for money: 9 / 10. (that means good, i.e. cheap :))

*Full disclosure: Drinking copiously at lunch and being unable to face much more alcohol may have had something to do with it.

Bread and Wine, at Moreson Wine Estate near Franschhoek, do not take the N2, allow 45 minutes for driving. Minimum. But. Worth it.

B&W has a lovely, shaded courtyard perfect for lunch. When we arrived, it was a little too shady, what with the evil clouds and all. The inside is very nice too, though, giant ostentatious chandeliers in otherwise down to earth, barn-type venue. Bonus points: Watercolours of their favourite menu items on the walls here and there (menu obviously does not change much!). (Edit: They did move us outside when the sun came out resulting in lovely summerly mains under the tree).

They specialise in home-made, cradle-to-the-grave-and-beyond-charcuterie (oh, that one’s not going to be picked up by any food magazines), slaughtered, cured, smoked and otherwise perfected by the chef. We shared a platter for a starter (R95), before the other starters that is. It was lovely and interesting and very munchable. Concensus was that it is entirely insufficient as a main meal though, but then we are piggies after all.

Backtracking, the winelist is lovely and very reasonable, since it is on a wine estate. It is their own wine, but that is not a bad thing – Chardonnay was particularly nice. 3 bottle lunch! New heights, new lows.

Starters – i specifically came back to this place (it was my birthday restaurant last Feb. I think.) because of the risotto, which was a little different this time (peas replaced asparagus, as far as I remember), but still divine. White, truffly risotto, mmhm. Jess’s not-gniocchi (stuffed with yummy green stuff! with yummy green sauce! oh, if any of the ingredients were actually remembered, this would be like a food review!). The menfolk had reddish things: an out of character tomoto-type salady thing Without Any Meat for the EL, and  something auberginy for Stv. Oh dear. I don’t remember any of the stuff! I was eating risotto! It was delectable! It caused temporary other food amnesia! Stv’s was better than Eckie’s, if this helps.

Mains – a polarisation of the table into Ladies’ Pork Bellies and Men’s Gemsbok fillets. Tough one. The bellies were rolled, and very tasty, but we have been overly spoiled by the always different, always amazing, 101 ways to make heavenly things form pig’s stomachs the Overture does, and so the Gemsbok won for me. (Of course I had the marital 50% of it!). Gemsbok had some sort of berry thing going on and was simply divine.

After that, only room for (excellent) truffles and (much needed) coffee, followed by a walk through the winelands and to the river, in which I was successfully discouraged from swimming in. Probably a good thing in hindsight, it was a bit manky, but then what are memories made of if not random bouts of bilharzia? Sigh.

Finally, service: friendly, smiley, helpful, but frequently unwilling to acknowedge the 4-of-July parade acrobatics I had to attempt to get their attentions. I am Sitting Right Here! That’s my Limbs all in the Air! But, for leisurely lunch purposes, it was, you know, leisurely. Came to R1450 with food, wine and generous tip for 4.

Veridict:

• Atmosphere: 7
• Staff:6
• Food: 7
• Value for money: 7